Derby Talk

This string started as a reply in another thread. Maxxsacrifice indicated that his son's car had turned in a very good performance during a recent derby and


i.e. he had surpassed his boy's own stellar performance.

My reply was as follows:


I appreciate the general tone of this board with respect to the "it's for the boys (and girls)" emphasis and would appreciate any feedback you guys have on the approach I have described above (or any "bewares").

One of the things I have been doing recently is following up on victories (Chess, PWD, etc.) by explaining (usually by prompting with questions) how exactly I managed to pull out the win. As I keep handing over all my "secrets", the competition is getting pretty tough.

Any other thoughts?

Yeah, this is a tough area and it's hard to know what the best approach is. I have a buddy whose dad played for Pittsburgh on a World Series baseball team. His dad was extremely competitve and could not stand to lose. Growing up my buddy said he never beat his dad at anything. Then, when he finally beat his dad at a game of basketball, his dad hauled off and punched him in the head

My friend went on to play college baseball (was on the team at AZ St. with Barry Bonds) and was drafted in the major leagues. My friend is well adjusted, is competitive, and is normal as can be. So, none of this seems to have effected him.

In my family I take the opposite approach and try just hard enough so that my two boys always have a chance to win. As they've gotten older they've gotten better so I suspect someday they'll be able to win outright without me letting up.

However, I've already started to notice that as my older boy takes up activities that I have no experience in, he's able to beat me all on his own. For example, he's great at video games and regularly schools me. Likewise, he does down hill skiing and is on the ski jumping team. I never skiied and took it up only so that I could accompany him. He regularly gives me grief that he can beat me to the bottom of the hill or go over jumps that I don't even attempt. So, these types of things are already exerting an equalizing factor.

But, in other areas that I have personal experience (like Wrestling, fantasy football, home repairs, etc.) I take a lot of time and care to help him learn and develop (while I'm whooping his butt ). As a side note, my boy recently won a fantasy football contest that I and many of his uncles and aunts were in. He picked his team all on his own and you should have seen his grin when he was announced as the winner.

Anyhow, I don't know if all this rambling makes any sense but I guess the one thing we can all agree upon is that it's probably not a good idea to punch your boy when he finally beats you My buddy still talks about that one to this day.

I guess you have to tailor it to the kid(s) involved. I have one who doesn't mind losing repeatedly when he can see he's closing in on my fairly consistent skill level, but who gets really frustrated if he feels like he's getting better (even winning) but suspects I'm "holding back" on him.


Note to self: Desired outcome achieved. Question to self: How to grow the kids so this happens more often over time???


Reminds me of the movie "The Great Santini". Certainly the extreme you're trying to avoid on the one side, while trying not to coddle them on the other. Takes more wisdom than I have on my own (hence the post, always looking to gather wisdom...).

Bubba, in general I agree. A wise old sage once told me, a man's reach should always exceed his grasp. I still remember some 35 years later.

Personally I never enjoyed beating my kids at anything. But when they are young it is what happens. I let them win sometimes and I would win other times. I never knew what was best.

The first time I really, really tried and one of my kids was better I was grinning from cheak to cheak. I am a very, very competitive person but having one of my kids beating me actually ended up making me very happy. My pride took over my competitive nature.

BTW, it was snowboarding. It is unfortunate that I waited for years for my son to keep up with me and in one year it turned around and I can't keep up with him. So we basically had only a few months where we could really enjoy snowboarding together